If a day comes when I ever get bored of writing in this blog, I’m going to have to think about setting up my own course. Of course, I have absolutely no idea what I could teach anyone about anything – but this isn’t stopping the legions of DJs putting themselves forward to front paid lessons on something or other.

This is, like most things at the moment, the result of Covid-19. Whilst their usual sources of making money, such as actually doing their real jobs, were largely unavailable for a large swathe of the pandemic, they had to resort to other methods of getting paid. Many seem to have gone down the course creation route, and a lot of them are finally seeing the light of day.

Recently, I wrote about Alan Oldham’s course on staying relevant in this age – where he dishes out advice about focusing on your current work whilst surrounding himself in his native Detroit with has-beens who still trade on past glories from decades ago. And speaking of which, guess which other Detroit native who – well, spends a lot of his time telling us how innovative he is whilst not actually making any new music – has a course out?

Step forward, none other than Carl Craig. Yes, for the grand price of €64 – I gleefully noticed it’s already been discounted by 20% from the original €80 – you can find out how to “become Carl Craig”. You can learn about “the sound of Detroit techno” and you can even find out how to mix the bass and the kick together.

Allow me to save you €64 right now by stating some of those answers. In regards to “becoming Carl Craig”, it appears to involve becoming famous by riding on the coat tails of people like Kevin Saunderson and being inexplicably loyal to proven losers like Derrick May. The sound of Detroit techno is one you can easily research through YouTube – names like Blake Baxter and Thomas Barnett are two good starting points.

And as for the kick and bass question, I might have something to say on that. Regular readers might know I used to dabble in production – and the answer is quite simple. Try to use a kick and a bass where the frequencies don’t clash too much in the first place. Or even better, create a record where the bassline and kick don’t play at the same time. Problem avoided!

The words from Thomas Tusser’s 1557 poem Five Hundred Points of Husbandry – namely “A fool and his money are soon parted” – have never been more relevant. And if I’ve just saved you €64 – it’s not like the millionaire Carl Craig needs it, anyway – feel free to send some of it to me through the donation feature on the right…