Fear not. You haven’t walked into an episode of 90s TV show Brass Eye here. There really is method to my purposefully histrionic headline. Recently, I’ve seen a few stories about large amounts of drugs being detected in water sources near where festivals have taken place.

Researchers last week revealed that the amounts of MDMA and cocaine in water sources near Glastonbury were so high after the festival that it posed a threat to the animals living in the rivers, such as rare eels. Which makes you wonder about what got into the water elsewhere, doesn’t it?

Imagine what Tulum must have been like after all those plague raves descended there. It wasn’t just Covid being spread at those events, let’s face it. Or what about the numerous raves which took place in India before the country experienced a massive wave of the virus? Making sure there are enough toilets available was never the priority for those running such events.

But on the other hand, such additions to the water might have no effect in some areas. A source joked that “In some American cities, there’s so much s*** already in the water from dumping chemicals that I doubt the fish would honestly notice anything else”.

A spokesperson for Glastonbury replied to all this, saying “Peeing on the land is something we will continue to strongly discourage at future festivals”. Someone is actually receiving a salary to say that…