There’s stupid, there’s really stupid and then there’s a special level of stupid only reserved for particularly dim-witted individuals. And the individual in this story well and truly belongs in the third category – although he’s far from the first to try this illogical, moronic nonsense in recent years.

Over in Manchester, the Night & Day café – which helped launch the careers of the likes of the Arctic Monkeys – has received a noise abatement notice from Manchester City Council. Why’s that? Because a resident who lives very nearby has made a complaint that the café – which produces a certain amount of noise due to it being a venue where music is played and performed – is too noisy and should turn the volume down.

From the moment the complaint was received, suspicions were abound that the complainant was an idiot. The person in question obviously isn’t familar with Abraham Lincoln’s claim that it’s “better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt” – he’s made the terribly unwise decision to give an interview to the Manchester Evening News.

In it, he claims he moved to the area knowing that Night & Day was nearby and that he’s spent £17,000 on insultating his house – those morons who glue themselves to the M25 stopping ambulances from getting sick patients to hospital will be very pleased. But he then claims Night & Day aren’t keeping to the terms of their licence, saying the club nights are the trouble.

A petition has been launched by people who are almost as stupid as the complainant. If they seriously believe that a petition has any legal effect, they’d be sorely mistaken. In reality, Night & Day now has to either appeal against the notice or accept its terms for the duration.

If they don’t, a £20,000 fine could be arriving in the post…

By The Editor

Editor-in-chief at Amateur’s House.