I was told I’d have 5G and a phone call from Bill Gates by now, but I’m still waiting – so having had my second Covid jab this weekend, how DID the anti-vaxxers get it so wrong?

The anti-vaxxers have been telling us for months now that you shouldn’t get the Covid vaccine. It’s part of an evil plot so that Bill Gates can take over the world by sending drones running on Microsoft Windows round to your house to spy on you with the microchip. Or something equally loopy – the story changes every now and then.

Well, I decided that I was going to get my Covid jabs anyway. Not solely because it dramatically reduces my chances of catching Covid-19 – I have a wife and three children to think of, you know – but because of the benefits it provides. They said the 5G coverage around me would improve – it’d be like having my own personal super fast wifi.

I had my first one back in March. Without going into details, I was in one of the groups that allowed me to receive the vaccine earlier. I wrote about it at the time – I was quite disappointed, but perhaps I was being unrealistic also. The vaccine is administered in two doses, after all…

At the start of last week, I received a letter telling me that I would be getting my second jab on Saturday. That was yesterday – so I went down to the leisure centre turned vaccination clinic and got one. I was told to keep the card, saying I might need it in the future.

So, do I have immunity to the coronavirus now? Not exactly. In three weeks time, I’ll have about 90% immunity – this is how the majority of vaccines work. But we all know what the REAL central question is here.

What about the 5G?

To test this, I went to stand in my garden – well away from any wifi points that might interfere with the experiment. Traditionally, my garden is a mobile phone blackspot. You’d be lucky to get one or two bars on Vodafone UK, let alone anything else. So, what happened? Was my brain emitting a glorious 5G signal so that I could make phone calls and watch Netflix wherever I was?

No. Not even one bar.

It’s just as well the Covid jab provides protection against coronavirus. Because the side benefits as promoted by the anti-vaxxers don’t seem to work…

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