Never thought I’d say this, but I think I’ve found you a new job, Mayday! The Detroit Historical Society is now hiring – but do they have space in their organisation for Derrick May?

We live in difficult times. A lot of jobs have been lost during the pandemic – some directly because of it, and one in particular because of lots of revelations which have come out during it. That person is, of course, Derrick May – the 58-year old part-time DJ residing at Farmington Hills in Detroit.

Thankfully, jobs are also being created in this economy too. And I happen to know where there are three jobs going at the moment – the Detroit Historical Society. Details of the jobs are here if you fancy reading them for yourselves – but let’s have a quick look at what’s available.

The first position is a Visitor Experience Associate. A long description of duties is provided, but the gist of it is showing guests their way around the premises, taking their money and setting up memberships to the society. The job pays $10 an hour and is for up to 20 hours per week. That’s an extra $800 in your pocket every month, Derrick!

Or you could be a Building Operations Associate. This job is about keeping the place neat and tidy and getting rooms ready for events. Mr May would know what the society was looking for here. His appearance at an event celebrating Detroit techno was cancelled – but I understand he was in the audience anyway. So he’ll know how to lay out chairs for a conference…

And finally, there’s a position as an Associate Event Manager. This one’s a bit more demanding – but to a cut a long story short, you’d be in charge of making sure events run smoothly. And as this one requires working at weekends too – although given Mr May is now free on most of them, I assume this shouldn’t be a problem.

There is, of course, the chance you’ll get rumbled when you turn up for an interview. In that case, call yourself Dërrick May – just like you referred to a certain old friend as Michaël James here in order to get out of paying him any money. And wear a cunning disguise. Such as this…

Go get ’em, Dërrick!