If you’re a woman and have an internet connection, one terribly depressing fact is at some point, you’re going to get a weirdo come along who seems to think you’re desperate to see his, ahem, cocktail sausage. Which is why people are coming up with increasingly creative methods of how to tackle these sex pests.

And the way which DJ and producer Amber D – real name Amber May Dowler – has devised is rather brilliant. She’s taken the sleazy voice messages which he’s left her and put them on a record. The track in question is currently available over on her Soundcloud page and is titled “Savage Cabbage”.

Somewhat appropriately, the artwork consists of the unidentified male’s profile photo on Facebook – and Dowler was polite enough to cover his face with a cabbage. But who is the degenerate in question? Well, we already know he’s the kind of person that British tabloid newspaper, The Sunday Sport, would refer to as a “saddle sniffer”.

However, Dowler points out that “we do actually have some mutual friends and he’s a Bounce DJ”. The man’s identity remains unknown to this blog – which is probably just as well for him – and Dowler is keeping her good person credentials by stopping anyone who’s worked it out from publishing it in her comments section…

By The Editor

Editor-in-chief at Amateur’s House.